Your Tax Dollars at Work: Mountain Lions on Treadmills
The report included numerous examples of waste at the National Science Foundation (NSF), including a $331,000 study that found spouses stab voodoo dolls more often when they're "hangry" - that is, hungry and angry at the same time.
"Over the course of twenty-one consecutive evenings, 107 couples were given a chance to stick up to 51 pins into a voodoo doll representing their spouse," the report explained of the government-funded study.
The results: "Hungry people are cranky and aggressive," the lead researcher said.
The NSF also financed synchronized swimming for sea monkeys at a cost of $50,000; a $41,000 study for how Penn State can boost morale after the Jerry Sandusky scandal; and a $171,361 project that studied the gambling habits of monkeys.
The government is also still interested in the theater, doling out grants through the National Endowment for the Arts (NEA) to support a play about Bruce Lee ($70,000), and a "marijuana themed musical" in Colorado ($15,000).
The NEA also awarded $10,000 to produce a musical about a young zombie searching for true love, and another $10,000 for a play about two lesbians who think they are Elvis Presley and Theodore Roosevelt.
"The National Science Foundation (NSF) taught monkeys how to play video games and gamble," Coburn wrote. "USDA got into the business of butterfly farming. The Department of Interior even paid people to watch grass to see how quickly it grows. The State Department spent money to dispel the perception abroad that Americans are fat and rude."
"But the real shock and awe may have been the $1 billion price tag the Pentagon paid to destroy $16 billion worth of ammunition, enough to pay a full years' salary for over 54,000 Army privates," he said.
After already putting monkeys, rats, cows, and goats on treadmills for past research, the NSF decided to test mountain lions skills at a cost of $856,000.
After eight months of training the mountain lions were able to walk on treadmills, though the research concluded that they "do not have the aerobic capacity for sustained high-energy activity."
Waste was also found in the National Institutes of Health (NIH) budget, including $1,552,145 to create a video game that teaches parents how to feed their kids vegetables. Another $371,026 project investigates if mothers have a different emotional reaction to pictures of their dogs over pictures of their children by monitoring their brains...Also read:
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